There are few things I hate more in this world than swimsuit shopping. Waiting for a video to buffer is irritating, seeing your favorite limited edition Starbucks drink gone from the menu is disappointing, and knowing that Coach will never allow you to wear your brand new emerald green nail polish to work is gut wrenching, but nothing gives you that feeling like swimsuit season.
As I lay in bed thinking about that Cinnabon cinnamon roll I ate earlier, with the calorie count to satisfy a small village, swim suit season guilt overwhelms me. If you have never experienced that feeling or if you have never bought a one piece, swim skirt, or swim shorts (forget the chubby 5 year old stage, I’m talking in the last 10 years) this blog post is not for you. Buh-bye.
Who cares about bikinis in March? Welp, I booked tickets for my vacation to Florida April first through the fifth and I do. I was planning on biking down the beach with my friend Ashley and spending hours upon hours tanning in the sun instead of that tin can of UV rays I recently bought a membership to. I glanced out the window at the remains of gross New York snow banks and started to think about what I would wear. I should probably plan my outfits for my trip to Manhattan this weekend first, but Cinnabon Cinnamon Buns don’t show quite as much through dresses.
I remember all the Mac and Cheese and Mozzerella Sticks I ate first semester and all of the leggings I’ve worn since. I recall all the bitches on Twitter back in January being all
“Oh my God! Just ordered 3 new bikinis from Victoria’s Secret! #summer2013 hollaaaaa”
And I unfollowed every last one of you.
I did lose 12 pounds, but that was after the freshman weight gain made an appearance. In other words, I am no better off than I was last summer. Actually, that’s a lie. I am one Cinnabon Cinnamon Bun greater than I was before.
But you try and resist Cream Cheese Frosting after a 9 hour work day. I didn’t think so.
So, according to society I should be writing a post committing myself to losing weight by April first and yada yada, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think it is much more likely that I will buy another Coach bag (I’m on my second in 2 months, darlings..).
*This is the latest, her name is Isabelle.
I’m just going to try not to give Isabelle too many friends between now and April and instead find some figure flattering swim suits PRONTO.
*but doesn’t this bag look like such a better investment than waterproof spandex?
I almost bought her with Isabelle, but sold her. She’s in a better (more wealthy) place now.
Now that I’ve pulled myself off the Coach website I’m on Modcloth. I’m pretty sure it will be my go to site for this dreaded season. The only danger is, I can’t try on the suit and reject it once I get it and everything looks good if there’s a size 2 model wearing it on the site.
So my fellow Pear shapers, I hope this helps you out. If not, steer me in the right direction? I’m begging you!
So far… this is the list:
The safe option. The issue is, there is a fine line between vintage and frumpy:
The “If I’m feeling adventurous” option:
The “wild taylor swift-esque” option:
The “color of my bedroom walls” option:
I haven’t bought any and will probably put it off as long as humanly possible.. so if you can help me and submit a comment, that’d be fab. Remember, I blog at ridiculous hours of the night, so if any of these are horrendous, we will just blame that.
Anyways, what do you think my Cinna-buns should dawn on the beach in April?