I’m baaaaaaack! Preps, I just had the most fantastic vacation of my life. There were some unexpected roadblocks like a
thunderstorm and no wifi, but they helped me to appreciate sunny days and internet connection when I had them. From Monday until Friday I was in paradise. I got to experience 5 days that were typical of a millionaire/ess at their vacation home outside Panama City. The ocean views and ritzy boutiques surrounding me took my breath away. I fell into the life of the rich and famous easily, but there were reminders that I didn’t live there of course. Knowing I would have to come back was a fact I tried to avoid. Printing boarding passes and living out of my suitcase made it impossible though.
There were similarities between this trip and my spring break in Savannah, GA last year, but so much has changed. I was coming from a different place this year, both literally and figuratively. Even the beaches were different: Savannah was very shelly and rough, with blue water, while Seacrest sand me of sugar with bright green splashing on the shores. This time I was moving into a family friend’s permanent home for a few days, last time I was with my aunt’s where we rented a townhouse. It was just incredible to think that Ashley gets to live that care-free lifestyle daily. I enjoyed both trips, but the difference was leaving this time: I knew I would be back.
I have come to conclusion I now have a goal for the next two years. I may not know what I am doing tomorrow, but in two years I will live on the gulf of Mexico in Florida. I will wake up only moments from the beach and like Ashley kept telling me: it will be impossible to feel upset. “I can’t be angry.” she would say “I have 4 palm trees in my front yard.” Do you know how cool that is? I don’t get that sense of peace from 50 pine trees or a block of cement sky scrapers. I felt so calm and alive. I felt like I was supposed to be there, and that’s why it was so hard to leave.
Like my bag of shells, my heart just shattered when it was time to go.
I can’t just pick up my life and go there though. I am not a millionaire and that would not be my second house. I have to work so hard to just afford rent there and all I would qualify for right now is a floor level retail position -not enough to live on. I feel like the best chance I have of getting there is paying my dues and going to FIT for 2 years. I was accepted last week into the Advertising Marketing Communications program there and after talking to my admissions counselor, I was switched into Fashion Merchandising.
Theres really no reason why I should refuse the offer to go. FIT is recognized world wide, and the opportunity is incredible. I can’t blame money, because it’s a state school and I get instate tuition. I can’t say it’s not good enough, because there isn’t better. I need to take the risk, and I need to go, because I know how many doors it can open.
I can go to Florida after I am certified, if I feel the same strong pull to be there. Until then, I’ll visit as frequently as I can and conquer Manhattan. After all like the Frank Sinatra song New York New York:
If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere.
I’ll grow until then so that Florida is not only ready for me, but I am ready for it. In 2 years I will be able to sit at a high end restaurant with a glass of wine both legally and affordably. I will have lived on my own and faced the benefits and trade offs. I will have earned Florida and Florida will have earned me. I feel like I will be more respected and successful, because I will have more experience. It seems that this vacation and the people I met helped me to see that if I expect to ever have this for more than 5 days then I need to go to school.
Realizing where I want to be in two years may not seem like a huge deal to some of my readers, but I lost motivation and determination when I couldn’t figure out what I wanted any more. In just the past year of posts I can see all of these different places I thought I wanted to be or all the routes I was okay with taking. I stayed pretty much in my comfort zone consistently because I assumed that’s how I would get the results I desired… but so far I haven’t. Therefore I think it’s time to take a risk.
Going to Florida this year, would be an easy decision to make. Saying that I would just enroll in Business Administration at Florida State University -Panama City would be the simple way of getting what I think I want.. but I compromised my major once before when I thought I knew what I wanted and then I had to make one painful decision to turn it all around. Instead, this time I’m going to get it all and it’s just going to take some time to get there.
At this point, I believe I will be in my first day of classes at FIT on August 26th. I will have been stressing out the night before about what to wear, instead of stressing out about what I’m doing with my life. I will be taking my days one and a time, because instead of just jumping ideas constantly: I now have a goal.
No decision I ever make tends to be easy. I learned that a while ago. I really like this one though, even if it scares me shitless. This decision reinforces why I needed to leave Canisius. Talking to my admissions counselor at FIT, she told me if I hadn’t left I would be entering the Associate’s Degree program. By going to FIT, I know I made the right choice.
Until I end up in Manhattan in August, I’ll be sleeping in a bunk bed in my parents house and working at the outlet mall, like I am right now: doing what an 18 year old is supposed to do. I don’t love the fact that it’s 42 degrees outside and considered a heat wave because this is upstate New York, but I can deal with it for a few more years in order to see shorts in February later on.
I’m still waiting to hear from Coach about the summer internship, but where I end up with for the summer doesn’t really impact where I’ll be in 2 years. So whatever happens, is supposed to.
Ps: Did you know Nina Garcia, Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, and Nannette Lapore went to FIT?