Tag Archives: bcbg

It seems like just as soon as I clink the champagne glasses I notice they’re half empty.


Todays is a better day.  I am exhausted, bloated, and staring at $1000 dollars worth of textbooks on the couch.  Sounds like the ideal friday night, right?

Actually, it’s slightly refreshing to be completely worn out.

I finally finished my job hunt- I think.  I was asked to work for THREE different places.  It’s really flattering, but I forgot how much work, work is. If that makes sense.

I decided on taking jobs at Coach and BCBG, and thanking but declining Ann Taylor’s offer.  I was really excited about Ann initially, but did not expect the incredible response.

These job opportunities are making it easier staying home.  It gives me another purpose!  But, I have a feeling 2 20-25 hour a week jobs and 23 credit hours is going to make me declare an insanity plea.

In my Coach interview I did say my weakness was biting off more than I can chew.

Except you have to understand where I am coming from.  Coach only hired me for 2.5 weeks, seasonally.  And then they have to make the decision to keep me or let me go, and this goes through Coach headquarters.  The store is only allowed to ask a certain number of seasonal people to become part time employees, if any and I won’t know until February 3rd if I am one of them.  I couldn’t resist the job though, such a big job and a generous wage that I was unfamiliar with in small town USA!  I am taking the risk, but I changed my starting date at BCBG to February 4th in case Coach is not interested or I decide it isn’t for me.

I think it was a smart decision, that way I am not “looking a gift horse in the mouth” as my dad says.  I am happy with the outcome, although there are cons to working at such a strict serious company.  The dress code of indigo jeans, british tan or cognac shoes, white pressed and starched button down, navy cardigan or v-neck sweater (no sparkly buttons), light make up, only essie ballet slipper or really red nail polish, and understated jewelry is definitely preppy.. but I feel identity-less, even if it isn’t an atrocious blue pilled K-mart polo.  BCBG is flexible with leggings and dress pants, but there are cons to that too.

Don’t get me wrong, both stores are wonderful and as my contracts with both stores entail I am not revealing any company secrets or something..  I just forgot how nice not being told what to do was.  How working retail no matter the status is tedious and fake feeling..  It’s constantly about impressing people, and being treated like an ID number in some clock-in clock-out system.

I’m reading a book in Intro to Entrepreneurship about.. you guessed it: Entrepreneurship.  And I completely understand the appeal to being your own boss.  I don’t mind waiting on people, I just like being treated with respect.

And after a man rejected my 30% Coach coupon, because he did not need my pity cash (after purchasing nearly 1000 dollars worth of inventory, I think that’s incredibly dumb) and many people walked past me greeting them saying they were so happy not to have me job.. Respected wasn’t exactly what I was feeling.

So maybe that means I pay my 2.5 weeks dues, and move on to BCBG. But maybe it’ll be the same deal, just a little less pay. So is that worse?  I know I need to work, I need the money.

Or I want the money.

I need a thicker skin. I need a more positive attitude.

3 out of 4 locations I applied to at the outlet mall wanted me!

It seems like just as soon as I clink the champagne glasses I notice they’re half empty.

Funny how a melody sounds like a memory


I need to reflect on everything that’s happened in the past week.  Instead of making another list of things to do or things that I have accomplished, I might as well publish it.  I made the executive decision to not return to Canisius.  I would be lying if I said that typing or thinking about it for too long doesn’t make tears well up in my eyes.

 It was the hardest decision I have made -ever.

I decided that fashion was too big a part of my life to leave behind and return to school yet again.  I came to the conclusion that I could not live with spending another $12,000 dollars for transfer credits.  I am no longer enrolled.  I am curled up in a ball on my couch in my floral jammie pants and a slight mess..

No, I’m not going on welfare and never leaving my house.  I refuse to give up on my plans although it feels like I may have at times.

I made the executive decision that might result in me being clinically insane and I am taking on a TWENTY-THREE Community College credit courseload, between Herkimer County Community College and Niagara County Community College.  I left behind my friends and moved back home.  I am fake smiling as often as possible, because I refuse to admit that a part of me seriously thinks it’s possible I made the wrong decision..

But I did what I was supposed to do.  I was mature and analyzed everything as best as I could and I refused to be Lauren Conrad on the Hills.  I would not sacrifice my “internship to paris” or my oppertunity for a boy, for a social life, etc.  I needed to take this plunge, and leave the past 15 weeks of my life behind.

I am finishing my Associate’s Degree in Fashion Merchandising and then hoping that FIT or LIM intervenes.  I got a job at Ann Taylor last week, and I had an interview at  BCBG today.  I have one at Coach later this week.  The fashion horizons are expanding, so why do I feel so miserable?

I just need to get over this hump.  I need to survive the awful feeling of loneliness  knowing I can’t cross the quad and be at my best friend’s dorm.  I have to realize that the screaming of my 3 year old brother in the living room bowling with a plastic ball and pins has replaced the similar sound of slutty spandex covered girls breaking their necks in impractical heels in the morning.  It’s not all bad.  I  have a queen sized bed.. that I have to share with my 10 year old sister. Instead of my great relatable roomate.. No, that’s not a good example. I have no drama? That’s a good thing.. I also have no life.

Well, it should come as no surprise if I am admitting that on cyberspace that I’ll be back at Canisius trying to keep my composure this weekend.  I am just visiting.  I don’t have the option of backing out now.  I am sure that if I went back to school I would be having regrets too. I keep getting e-mails from teachers filling me in on what I missed in class or have to make up, because they must not know I dropped out.. The 6 chapters and 3 papers I would have had due for Wednesday would have been a painful dose of reality after weeks of Netflix and web surfing, but I have to be honest. I want it back.

And with 23 credits you can bet anything that I will have it soon enough. But before it was worth it because I knew other people were enduring that hell and I was thriving even when I struggled.  Now, I have almost 50 year old parents, an orange cat, obnoxious siblings with their elementary through high school issues, and nobody to complain to, because I did this to myself.  

At the beginning of break I had started a count down to when I would return to school, is it too early to start one for when I can move out again?

The issue is it could be anywhere up to 7 months before that happens and not even a job at Kate Spade (the one I want the most, yet don’t have an interview for) could make me smile the way inside jokes with my best friends would.  I was warned.  I knew what I was signing up for, when I made the phone call and withdrew.  Why did I do it?

John, if you’re reading this I’m starting to think: you were right.