Why I won’t apologize for being an old lady at heart

It’s another raging Friday night… I’m on the couch in a hoodie and fuzzy slippers, babysitting a little boy who lives down the street. I might sound like a 16 year old desperate to make some extra cash, but actually I’m *newly* 23, pretending to adult (by working a 9ish-5ish job) and I am very content. When I detail the mellow start to my weekend some people smile and others feel bad, but I won’t apologize for being an old lady at heart.

I don’t think I ever had a wild phase. Sure, while I was on vacation in Costa Rica a few years ago I consumed way too many Tequila based cocktails and I can let loose with the best of them, but drunk Allison walked back to her condo, changed into pajamas, and walked back to the bar. I feel like that’s pretty representative of me, but now I’ve learned even better. Why go out to a gross dive bar (where I’m going to stress about my drink and who my friends are talking to) when I can wear comfy clothes, drink wine and play scrabble in the comfort of my home?

I don’t watch Jeopardy too often, but I totally get the appeal. I have yet to get on board with Wheel of Fortune, but just give it time. I have my favorite shows. I’m a big fan of going to Bingo and I wouldn’t mind if I could work it into my weekly routine. To try and fit in with my peers I attend trivia nights, as they’re more socially acceptable, but I get pretty competitive. Whenever my family goes camping I like to play on the shuffleboard court, practicing the big leagues in a nursing home one day. And I’m not sorry. I’m a really fun time between the hours of 8am-10pm, and after that I’m probably in bed, or have fallen asleep on the couch.

I started reading the Bible recently. I like sweeter wines and gin (probably not together, but I’ll try anything once). I love pearls and large earrings. What I’m trying to say is I probably fall into most grandma stereotypes and for a brief period of time I may have tried to change that, but lately I’m feeling to old to care. This is me, old at heart and loving it.

I’m always going to be the mom of the group and I thrive on planning. I will cuddle your babies and dogs and I will love them, as long as I can give them back. I would only like to have a boyfriend so that I could shop for him and dress him. I rummage the clearance racks wishing I could get a senior discount. I prefer to go shopping on weekdays at 11am when the stores are dead. I wear red or pink lipstick and unfortunately sometimes it gets on my teeth.

So yes, I do need to mentally prepare if we are going to fraternize with the youths in a scummy underwhelming dimly lit super loud bar. And I will tell you that I think cover charges are the stupidest thing ever, especially in a city as small as Buffalo. But you can’t say I didn’t warn you. I am undoubtedly an old lady at heart.

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